i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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