Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
