I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
