i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
