she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
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I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
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I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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