every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
