Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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