sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
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I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
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My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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