There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
