did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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