please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
