I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
