oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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