So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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