It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
