hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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