cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
