o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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