So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
