he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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