i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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