He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize