the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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