Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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