just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
not ubering you a puppy
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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