I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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