Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
