It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
