I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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