Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
