She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
