If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
