I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
