Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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