wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
