those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
