he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
