I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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