wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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