There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
