Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize