Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
