Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
