My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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