cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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