if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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