he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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