I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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