why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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