apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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