my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
