I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
