i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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