Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
