The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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