just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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