Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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