Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
