Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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