we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
