I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
